OMG…Look At Me?

A dear friend’s mom died last week.  The family gathered and started putting together a slide show of favorite pictures.  Out of the blue, I received an email from my oldest daughter, Bojie, with the subject line 

Fwd:  photo of your mom in 1971-ish. 

The body of the email said, “OMG!  Look at you!   luv boj.”

I stopped and really studied that picture.  At first I didn’t recognize that face looking back at me.  Sure the physical characteristics were different – 40+ years younger, darker and longer hair.  However, what struck me most were the eyes and mouth looking back at me.  They are so wide-eyed and determined as if all the pieces of life’s puzzle were clear to her. 

But how could that be?  I’m 27 in that picture and about to have my second child, my son Tico.  I finally got my gypsy man to settle down in Carlsbad, and we were rapidly creating a family that would expand to five lively, talented and very different children.  He was trying to support the family in a plethora of odd jobs that included gardening, managing apartments, teaching part time at the local community college and of course, playing his music.  I was determined to be “mother earth” – cooking big pots of soup, babysitting all our friends’ children, baking home made bread and sewing clothes plus knitting and crocheting too.  That “lovely pink dress” was one of my stylish creations J

What could I have known about how many changes were yet to take place?  Soon I would tire of my homebound lifestyle and, after a third baby in four years, I would decide I needed to work.  I became an instructional aide in my husband’s ESL classes, had two more children, returned to college to obtain my BA and MA, and then adopted a rather peripatetic and definitely frenetic lifestyle as a consultant for several adult education projects. I even took a job for three years in Sacramento, flying to work on Monday mornings and returning home on Thursday evenings.

Then life changed again.  I grew weary of coming in and out of the fabric of my family life and decided to look for work that didn’t require travel.  Luckily I was hired as the first noncredit faculty member at MiraCosta College, and I stayed put until my retirement last May.

I can’t quit looking at those eyes and the confidence that young face portrayed.  Little did she know what lay ahead of her – the difficulties, the uncertainty, the joy, and the successes.  The only constant that she and I shared was the abiding love and support from the young guitarist we chose to follow so long ago!  

Maybe that is the source of her wisdom and confidence.  She knew all things were possible as long as Ramey and Heather stayed together - and they have! 

Life Comes Full Circle

In this very old, and slightly blurry photo, you see my middle daughter Maya playing with her day care class.  The reason it is relevant is where she was.  I had just been hired to teach my first ESL class at a community center.  My coordinator, who is also my mentor and a very dear friend, allowed me to take Maya to the day care class provided for students.  So my daughter and her younger sister, Samantha, went to teach with me.  Now fast forward to 2013, and my new activity.

Maya, now a grown woman, just got her first permanent job at the Army Navy Academy.  Doesn’t she look happy?  

Then the news got even better.  After a very short time,  she was promoted to International Student Services Director.  Army Navy loves her as much as we do.  As part of her new responsibilities, she needed to find tutors for some cadets who are struggling with English.  I was thrilled to volunteer.  My profession has been so good to me and given me so many opportunities.  I want to give back.  I also loved the idea of helping my Maya.  So last Thursday, I went to my first tutoring session.  My student is a 15-year old basketball phenom from the Dominican Republic.  He is over 6-feet tall and definitely feeling lost, so far away from family and country.  We connected immediately, and the half-hour session seemed to fly by.

I was tutoring in Maya’s classroom/office, and I couldn’t help but notice how professional she was in her new role.  Students, faculty and administrators came to talk with her, and she was comfortable and competent.  I was so proud.  

As I walked to my car, I thought about the time long ago when I brought Maya to teach with me.  Yes, it is the full circle of life, and I feel so honored to be in her classroom now. 

Musings about Leadership

My middle daughter, Maya, has assumed a supervisory position, and she asked me for advice.  Over the years, I've given advice to people I mentored so it was really special to create a list for her too.   Here are my thoughts.  I decided if I blogged about it, I wouldn't have to recreate it again.  :-)

• Celebrate something every day.  Even if you only celebrate that the day is over, remember to do it.  The bad events always crowd out the successes so celebrate them.
• It’s OK to make mistakes.  The Navajo used to weave a mistake into every rug they wove so just plan that there will be at least one mistake and then be ready to solve it. 
• If something is a huge success, give the credit to your team.  If it’s a big flop, take the blame. 
• Be a good listener.  Sometimes there is a gem of an idea buried in a great deal of trivia.  Listen for it.
• If someone is “in your face”…remember it is not about you.  It is their bad day and/or their bad opinion of themselves. 
• Never feel pressed to make a quick decision.  Someone else’s emergency is not your problem.  Give yourself time to think it over. 
• Remember you can’t make broad decisions for one special circumstance.  Always ask yourself if you can give the same answer to another person who needs/requests the same thing. 
• When you need something from your boss or you are having a problem, think of a solution too. If you don’t have any suggestions, you might get an answer you don’t want.
• You can’t be friends with everyone you lead.  You want to be respected and thought of as someone that will support them and be fair. 
• If someone comes to you and says, “Do you know what the teachers or a certain person is saying about you”…just stop them and say "I already hear enough bad things so no thank you." 
• It’s the same when someone approaches you about a problem and says, “We are all unhappy about”…,Just stop them and say – “Let’s discuss what you are unhappy about.  If others feel the same, they need to come and see me directly.”
•  Don’t be afraid to get advice from your boss (s).  It is not a sign of weakness or insecurity to ask for help.  That’s why they are paid the big bucks!
• Give praise often, but meaningfully.
• When you have to criticize, keep the “I” statement – I believe, I think, I recommend and try to also include something positive too. 
• Don’t expect praise from the people you supervise.  Assume you are doing well.  You always hear about it when you aren’t!
• You have to lead by example.  Be on time.  Be prepared.  Be positive.  When no one is looking, then go ahead and kick a chair or two.
•  Pick your battles.   When something upsets you, take time to analyze the issue.  Then decide what you are going to do about it.

And remember, not to take yourself too seriously.  The job survived before you, and it will survive after you.  Just do no harm!