Musings about Leadership

My middle daughter, Maya, has assumed a supervisory position, and she asked me for advice.  Over the years, I've given advice to people I mentored so it was really special to create a list for her too.   Here are my thoughts.  I decided if I blogged about it, I wouldn't have to recreate it again.  :-)

• Celebrate something every day.  Even if you only celebrate that the day is over, remember to do it.  The bad events always crowd out the successes so celebrate them.
• It’s OK to make mistakes.  The Navajo used to weave a mistake into every rug they wove so just plan that there will be at least one mistake and then be ready to solve it. 
• If something is a huge success, give the credit to your team.  If it’s a big flop, take the blame. 
• Be a good listener.  Sometimes there is a gem of an idea buried in a great deal of trivia.  Listen for it.
• If someone is “in your face”…remember it is not about you.  It is their bad day and/or their bad opinion of themselves. 
• Never feel pressed to make a quick decision.  Someone else’s emergency is not your problem.  Give yourself time to think it over. 
• Remember you can’t make broad decisions for one special circumstance.  Always ask yourself if you can give the same answer to another person who needs/requests the same thing. 
• When you need something from your boss or you are having a problem, think of a solution too. If you don’t have any suggestions, you might get an answer you don’t want.
• You can’t be friends with everyone you lead.  You want to be respected and thought of as someone that will support them and be fair. 
• If someone comes to you and says, “Do you know what the teachers or a certain person is saying about you”…just stop them and say "I already hear enough bad things so no thank you." 
• It’s the same when someone approaches you about a problem and says, “We are all unhappy about”…,Just stop them and say – “Let’s discuss what you are unhappy about.  If others feel the same, they need to come and see me directly.”
•  Don’t be afraid to get advice from your boss (s).  It is not a sign of weakness or insecurity to ask for help.  That’s why they are paid the big bucks!
• Give praise often, but meaningfully.
• When you have to criticize, keep the “I” statement – I believe, I think, I recommend and try to also include something positive too. 
• Don’t expect praise from the people you supervise.  Assume you are doing well.  You always hear about it when you aren’t!
• You have to lead by example.  Be on time.  Be prepared.  Be positive.  When no one is looking, then go ahead and kick a chair or two.
•  Pick your battles.   When something upsets you, take time to analyze the issue.  Then decide what you are going to do about it.

And remember, not to take yourself too seriously.  The job survived before you, and it will survive after you.  Just do no harm!

National Day of Service Turns into a Personal Day of Gratitude!

Like hundreds of thousands of people in the United States , MiVida and I participated in the recent National Day of Service.  We signed up to clean a local beach in Encinitas and were at our destination at 9 AM ready to fill bags and bags of trash.  We were joined by lots of eager volunteers, but there was one big problem.  After an hour of walking and searching, we decided that this was the cleanest beach in Southern California.  We had only found two plastic straps, two cigarette buts, and some paper.  

However, we soon realized that we had been walking and searching so hard that we forgot to think about where we were walking to.   You see I grew up in Cardiff by the Sea,  about 3 miles from Encinitas, and we were more than half way there.  So we abandoned our hunt for nonexistent trash and just enjoyed the beautiful morning, walking to Cardiff. I was soon talking about all my early memories living near and actually almost living at the beach.  The closer I got to Cardiff, the more excited and talkative I became.  Luckily I have to listen to all MiVida’s stories about growing up in Carlsbad under similar circumstances, so he was very patient and let me stroll down memory lane.

How the memories flowed!  A large group of us hung out all the time, and the beach was our ”go-to” place.  We had frequent overnights at the beach (yes without parents, and we started in the 6^th grade.)  Cardiff was so safe.  We would do chores in the morning, when there was morning fog, and then we all headed to the beach.  Those were the days of rubber rafts, and we would paddle out and lay on them for hours.  I had a slight problem.  I didn’t know how to swim, and I didn’t want to tell anyone because I was afraid they would tease me.  So for many years, until I finally learned how to swim in Junior High, I just held onto my raft for dear life.  In my teenage years, I would spend hours sitting on the beach bluffs and contemplating life as only teenagers can.  I really don’t think I could ever live very far from the ocean.

Raymond and I had an epiphany that day.  We both shared similar backgrounds – alcoholic dads, moms without much financial support who worked multiple jobs, broken families, minimal supervision, not much in the way of stylish clothes.  Neither of our families even owned an automobile.  And yet, we both are reasonably sane optimistic adults who have wonderful childhood memories.  So with all those negative factors – what was the difference!  For us, we decided it was the environment.  We had a healthy safe place to be.  It was a place that the most money in the world could never buy, and we never needed more than a bathing suit, raft or surf board to fully participate. 

IWe didn’t do much service on that beautiful Saturday morning, but we had a chance to acknowledge what a gift we both received as beach babies in the 50ties and early 60ties.                                               

                                                   Thanks Moms!  You raised us well! 

My mom, Alta, with Raymond's Mom, Celia, and our youngest child, Christian

Give / Get and My New Year’s Resolution

Does it count if you get the idea about your resolution on January 1^st but never get it written until January 13^th?  Well I hope so.  I can attribute the delay to old age, an over whelmingly busy life, procrastination…  feel free to choose all that apply!

Anyway, my New Year Resolution is to move from get to give!   Done!  Ummm, maybe I need to elaborate a little more.

I’m a Virgo, so get is such a great word.  In my more than 40 years in the work world, get helped me get organized, get information, get ready, get on with it, get over it, along with a few “get out of here, and get lost”

In my work world, get also worked for get recognition, get credit, and of course, get blamed.

Give  was part of that time too, especially in terms of mentoring and supporting amazing colleagues.  However, I think the more strident get was the operational word in my working world.

Now, give seems like the word I want to live in and live by.  I have the gift of time and choice – something I blog about ad naseum, but it just seems so strange and special to me after so many years ( Yes more than 40 years…Do I say that a lot?) where the clock was my slave and task master.  So now I have to remember to embrace the give – of my time, talents (although some may be diminishing – hopefully not too rapidly, and resources – yes including some $$$.   It’s not that I’m rolling in any of the three except for maybe time, and even that seems to be limited, After all, it took me 13 days to get this posted.   I have so many people to thank, so many opportunities to be grateful for, so many gifts I’ve received, it just seems like sharing should be my “modus operendi” from this day forward.  Check back with me next year, and we’ll see how I’m doing! 

Thankful for MIVida

Today seems like the perfect day and time to give thanks to my life partner, affectionately known as MiVida.    As I read through my blog, it may not be clear what an amazing partner I have.  I write about issues and problems, but I don’t think I spend enough time sharing just the joy of living with MiVida.  So for the ones listed below and others too numerous to mention, I give thanks for MiVida.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE:  I’m not sure if everyone knows what it is like to be loved unconditionally – I can wake up and look like s*!*#, and he greets me with the same smile as when I am all dressed up and ready to go out.  Of course, both our eyesights are fading, but it has always been that way

GENEROUSITY:  I have been loved generously and I have known what it is like to live generously.  Even when we didn't have very much (and maybe in the future when we don’t) MiVida has always understood what’s important in life – education for all the children (even spread out on 10+ credit cards), trips together to remind us why we started all this together so long ago, great dinners at interesting places, opportunities to help others, gifts for family and friends – it’s always just been easy.  He isn't extravagant – he just gets it.  Money is only money.  It’s what you do with money that counts. He isn’t saving for tomorrow as much as he is investing in each and every day.

TRUE FRIEND: We just love doing things together.  We make everyday things more fun because we share them.  Maybe it’s just a walk on the beach, or maybe it’s taking the grandkids to eat, or maybe it’s just a quick errand.  He’s always up for the adventure, and he knows how to be really present.  Sometimes, he sees me hunched over the computer with a less than pleasant crease in my forehead, and he'll say – “OK, time to get out.”  His timing is perfect.

AMAZING DAD AND ABO:  No one could love their children and grandchildren more.  This man doesn't cry, but I have seen his tears when it involves a child or a grandchild.  He is never too busy to help, spend time, cook or just be there for them.  We have a family Sunday dinner almost every Sunday.  All of the children and their children are invited, and he makes amazing meals.  He still hasn't figured out that we are feeding less than 20, but everyone appreciates the leftovers.

So, is he perfect?  Of course not, he still tells me the news I’ve already read, repeats his stories, keeps the house too cold, and other things I’ll continue to blog about – but is he perfect for me?  OF COURSE.  I never knew more than 50 years ago that life could be so beautiful with MiVida.  He is.…My LIFE!

Baby It's Cold INSIDE

I have just uncovered another tricky area in the first year of retirement.  The problem is temperature.  You see, MiVida is a Polar Bear.  He loves all things cold and wears shorts year round.  He likes to get up in the morning and blow smoke rings with the cold air in winter.  I am NOT a polar bear, and I'm always cold.  It wasn’t really a problem for me when I was working.  I would shower and dress quickly and rush to my warm office and classroom as soon as possible.  I often worked late so when I dragged myself home, my husband was open to heating the house so I would be less grumpy.  I’m really not fun to be around when I’m grumpy and being cold makes me very very grumpy.

Now that I’m retired, we almost had a “melt down”- pun intended – trying to figure out the heating issues.    The conversation went something like this:

Me:         “I’m a little cold.  Let’s turn on the heater."

MiVida:   “I’m not cold."

Me:         “What part of “I” don’t you understand?"  

MiVida:  "Well, when the heater is on, my nose gets stuffed up because there is no humidity 

                 in the house.”

Me:          “Well, when my feet are frozen, my brain doesn’t work very well, and I need it to 

                  work when I’m in my office”

MiVida  “It’s not cold.”

Me:  No comment....(There are no words for what I was thinking or at least for this blog since it is G rated most of the time.)

Then MiVida realized that we were having a particularly bad moment, and he went and researched small stand-alone heaters and found one that was economical and safe.  Now it is installed in my office, and I’m happily working away and enjoying warmth.  When he wants me to leave the office, he agrees to heat other rooms.  He really isn’t a tyrant, and he is the most generous man I know.  He is just a Polar Bear, and he has a real fear of melting. 

Retirement Rule # 4:   Be sure you work out environmental issues when you share space with a loved one on a more permanent basis.